A) order whatever the hell you want. That’s the g.d. point of going out—someone who is supposed to be good at making drinks will make a daiquiri if that’s what you bloody well want.

B) tip 20% unless the bartender is a jerk. Then tip 10. They’ll get the message.

C) I’ve served bankers and whatnot in chowder houses, sports bars, and upscales, and they were obnoxious as hell—just the worst—why would a chowder house not have Tanqueray Silver or Stoli black? Because we serve chowder and fried fish, asshat. And they will question your life choices—I had an IB tell me to go to law school because I was wasting my time in grad school. Hey, thanks! How’s your ulcer? I work from home 90% of the time, on my own schedule, without a boss, and while I don’t make 6 figures, teaching is a hell of a lot more rewarding than being a number cruncher in a cubicle.