clintirwin:

joetomcollins:

clintirwin:

diggberals:

theonion:

New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct

“Our new program is designed to isolate the few remaining specimens of moderate Republicans, mate them in captivity, and then safely release these rare and precious creatures back into the electorate,” said IPPM’s Cynthia Rollins.

More.

All this work is for nothing if don’t initiate immediate steps to control the population of more aggressive evangelical, libertarian, and fiscal Republican.

I suggest a small stipend for every pelts of those dangerous and destructive species.

Their approach to this problem would be to raise all restrictions on the culling of the population, which in this case seems necessary to the survival of the broader ecosystem. A stipend on pelts can be a good temporary approach. Over the long term, though, I’d like to look into a market for the North American Radical Right culls. They would appreciate the idea the most. Maybe we can talk to China and see if they want to take them off our hands so they can use them in traditional medicine like rhino horns and tiger penis and such.

I don’t know that we need to outsource the problem. As the RNC Primary, and Texas are proof of, simply trapping these deadly breeds in a common area will lead to some extreme predation among in the various sub-species. Ie, the now extinct Cain and Bachmann breeds.

We have dubbed this behavior the “Romney Effect” due to the fact that almost universally every sub-species of Republican has taken to hunting this otherwise successful breed.

I think the greater danger is the “Ron Paul” sub-species that seems to consistently maintain it’s population while never being singled out for attack by it’s other competitive breeds.

A cross breeding between Pauls and almost any other breed might prove to be have the worst viral qualities of both breeds. We’ve been lucky so far in that the other breeds, seem to be unable to co-operate with the Pauls any better than the Romneys.

Still, given the devastating effects of the now extinct Bush and Reagan breeds, I think allowing any of breed of these creatures in the wild is an unacceptable risk.

We only need a small sampling in captivity for lab experiments. The rest need to be destroyed before gain the ability to once again effect the infrastructure.

Conditions this year have shown a willingness among all Republican sub-species to eat their own, but what i am talking about is sustainability. We know from the past that the most efficient way to kill off any species is to find a sustainable market for its meat or pelts. We have the problem of importing far more from China than we export. Culling Republicans provides Americans with jobs and neatly addresses our trade imbalance with China. We also need to examine how Republicans might provide a broad range of organs for transplant.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy Republican is a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.